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In Love With Nothing and No One in Particular

by Citris

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1.
Do I have ghosts in my apartment or am I just depressed? Did everything Madonna yet still have my regrets If it's you and me together then I hope it's the best Had everything I wanted yet I'm still a fucking mess, You got that right ripe, kind of curious, taste "Good girl with evil parts" I say to myself Your window for you to make it okay Wasn't always gonna be there You're never gonna see me all the through, You're always gonna do what's comfortable And now I gotta feed my appetite for life, For life Do I have respiratory issues or am I just anxious? The thrills that come with misbehaving If I put two and two together in the beginning Would thirst for more never begin? You got that right ripe, kind of curious, taste "Good girl with evil parts" I say to myself Your window for you to make it okay Wasn't always gonna be there You're never gonna see me all the through, You're always gonna do what's comfortable And now I gotta feed my appetite for life, And sometimes, life just gets me Life just gets me Sometimes you pour your heart out And life will leave you behind Life just gets me Life just gets me Sometimes you pour your heart out And life will leave you behind For life
2.
I'm fully loaded and a little late on life I'm a wicked woman Need a little pain with love And then I need to snap back And keep reminding myself It's the same story even if it's with someone else But you're fully loaded And a little late but right Don't wanna hurt you Don't wanna hurt you Dont wanna hurt me Don't wanna be here Don't wanna be here Don't wanna be free You get the spouts of my energy Loving you is like loving anarchy Any way you want me That's how I'll be I love the way you're not counting Counting on anything I'm fully loaded and a little late on life I'm a weekend woman Don't wanna hurt you Don't wanna hurt you Dont wanna hurt me Don't wanna be here Don't wanna be here Don't wanna be free You get the spouts of my energy Loving you is like loving anarchy Any way you want me That's how I'll be I love the way you're not counting Counting on anything Any way you want me That's how I'll be Tell me where I'm standing Tell me where I lean You say that you want me But where will that lead you? You say that you want me but what if I want you? What if I want you too?
3.
Benefit 03:00
Benefit Benefitting Benefit from the bitter ending, Been addicted Unaffected By the hour They're never-ending And it goes, and it goes Though I'll never know if I'll be the same After this My skin glows, my hair grows I am Aphrodite (in a way) Since you let me be Benefit Benefitting Benefit from the way he's talking Getting fitter So much "better" So much better (it's unhealthy to feel) And it goes, and it goes Though I'll never know if I'll be the same After this My skin glows, my hair grows I am Aphrodite (in a way) Since you let me be And it goes, and it goes Though I'll never know if I'll be the same After this My skin glows, my hair grows I am Aphrodite (in a way) Since you let me be I've been living on the edge Making more bread Hanging out late at night I've been getting up early And sleeping real late And feeling real bad (it's right) Feeling real bad (it's right)
4.
It’s not enough of an exhalation The time we spent living apart What is that? Is that falling in love? Or is that Falling apart? I might as well be dead The way you held my head Baptized in crystal water I might have suffered less If you held me under longer Ooh, I’m not one to give back a lot But I want to Give back to you Give it back to you There’s not much of an explanation The reasons I had for running along Can’t take back What’s already done Just know that I was running from love I might as well be dead My grip around my neck I let darkness do the honors I might have suffered less If I swam a little longer Ooh I’m not one to give back a lot, But I want to give back to you Give it back to you Give it back to you Give it back to you Give it back to you I know it sounds like i would like another try The truth is I want you to love regardless My selfish desires of one day being your bride Thank God for alcohol Helps numb the word, “goodbye” Ooh I’m not one to give back a lot, But I want to give back to you Give it back to you Give it back to you Give it back to you Give it back to you
5.
I am not what you thought i’d be I am not what you want from me But I give real, real good fantasy I am not lost, I am not home It’s nothing to do About us And all our love Loving as I might be I am not what you thought i’d be I am not what you want from me Take as long as you want to I know exactly what I’ll do Then say that you want me But you know it and I know that I fucked it up Properly I am not what where I thought I’d be I am not what you want from me While I enjoy your philosophy I pay the cost all on my own It’s something to do with all the love It’s not enough Loving as I try to be I am not what you thought i’d be I am not what you want from me Take as long as you want to I know exactly what I’ll do Then say that you want me But you know it and I know that I fucked it up Properly Wait, i’ll wait Wait, i’ll wait A slow and hot, steady rush I guess I don’t tell you What I need And that’s to see what comes up I guess I don’t tell you much I guess it comes down to what I need And now what I want Take as long as you want to I know exactly what I’ll do Then say that you want me But you know it and I know that I fucked it up Properly
6.
The sun is a liar It tells me its time The moon is my true lover He dims down the light The neighborhood is dying down With every now and then a scream I think of who I was last year When it was you and I in those streets California In my mind Every time we fucking fight You know it won't change things Whether you stay or you leave And while I'm drowning in misery Can I at least see palm trees? And when When's the next flight? Where's my grand prize? And when's the next flight? And where's my grand prize For loving you? You you you My phone is a liar It tells me they're fine Their stories are a cover What you see is what they like And the fairytale is dying down With every now and then a scene I think of all our love last year When it was you and I in those scenes California In my mind Every time we fucking fight You know it won't change things Whether you stay or you leave And while I'm drowning in misery Can I at least see palm trees? And when When's the next flight? Where's my grand prize? And when's the next flight? And where's my grand prize For loving you? You you you With you
7.
Spiritually 03:57
I don't care to overwhelm you I myself can understand the feeling I'm not here to suck the life out of you Sometimes life can be a drag But when I'm with you I feel Glad I didn't stay with all the ones before Glad my egos dead so I can see you for The person that you are Is who I strive to be Totally carefree Totally wealthy Spiritually Spiritually Spiritually Spiritually It's not fair to push feelings out of you I would never ask unless the feeling Seemed mutual to me But I could not bare to see you With your tattoo artist Cause when I'm with you I feel Glad I didn't stay with all the ones before Glad my egos dead so I can see you for The person that you are Is who I strive to be Totally carefree Totally wealthy Spiritually (you know id love to but it's suicide) Spiritually (you know it even though it's not right) Spiritually Spiritually I like the way your voice sounds Through my phone, your eyes glance Through my soul You hurt so good Pierce me with your words And heal me with them too Tell me all your problems And that I need to chill Curse into the void and say you don't know me Cook me fucking dinner How dare I get cozy Fuck me till the sunrise but you're "not pressed to fuck" Tell me that you like me but romance is not the look If I have a problem, I'm the crazy one Just because I touched you, I'm the fucking slut I'm the fucking slut
8.
9.
I don't wanna die a heartless, dumb, bitch I don't wanna push away the ones that I need, I cannot afford another lesson Unless it's pretend fantasy Why do I feel so bad? He's so on-track Why do I like it best? When I have to guess and guess and guess and guess and... Calm before For the storm color me 'noir' Calm before For the storm color me 'noir' And color me 'noir' I am too annoyed by useful wisdom I am too allured by youthful energy I am unimpressed by your acceptance Guess thats something I'll take up in therapy Why do I feel so glad? He's off track Why do I feel relief when I have to seek and seek and seek and seek?... And calm before For the storm Color me 'noir' Calm before For the storm Color me 'noir' And color me 'noir' Hard I'm not hard Always, I am the one leaving Always, I am so conceited But I'm not hard I'm not hard Now Always, I am the one leaving Always, I am so conceited

about

A culmination of everything I have been feeling/experiencing within the last 3-5 years encapsulated in one record: A hit and miss relationship with the idea of love, a recollection of regret with a simultaneous passion for life and the ups and downs it presents. A lust, if you will. The title was inspired by a direct Ezra Miller quote in one of their earlier interviews when they first started as an actor. The phrase, "in love with nothing and no one in particular" was a response to a question on whether Ezra was seeing someone romantically. Learn to breath, embrace, and perhaps, enjoy the suffering.

credits

released July 22, 2022

Special thanks to
Claire Pagano for the album art
Chris Krasnow for performing/producing/mixing and mastering
Jonathan Burkes for performing/tracking his guitar parts
Lorenzo Wolff and Restoration Sound in Brooklyn, NY for tracking a lot my guitars and vocals in addition to adding some lap steel on a track
Steven Cohen for being a generous patron my craft/art
And of course, myself Angelina Torreano for writing, producing/tracking, play guitars, singing my ass off (and all the cold brews along the way)

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CITRIS New York, New York

Citris is the psychedelic dream-pop grunge project from Brooklyn, NY. Citris begun in Purchase College Music Conservatory as a loud grunge band, morphing into a progressive, psychedelic, experimental indie pop sound with electronic tinges. Citris performs both by herself and with a band and can be found performing regularly in the NYC scene and throughout the east coast. Follow to stay updated. ... more

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